I always figured that i’d die before my time, and that ultimately it would be me to take my own life. Even after I started getting help, I still took unnecessary risks that could have killed me and I still thought “what’s so bad about dying?”
Driving on a highway, I’d pass other cars with a very thin margin of error where, if the pass wasn’t completed successfully, there would be a pretty brutal car crash. I didn’t care – I almost DARED people to crash into me while i passed other cars. I was only thinking about my own life – “oh well, if i die, so what?” until I realized that my actions actually could impact other people.
I don’t drive recklessly anymore. I hate that I let myself get to that point.
You know, there’s nothing wrong with dying, but there’s nothing wrong with living either. Now I really don’t want to die by my own hand