This post may be triggering for its mention of mental health stigma.
I haven’t been struggling with mental illness in a while. I would say in the last 6 months I’ve had like under 5 bad days. I know that when I was in a bad state I would believe that someone who was winning the depression battle was an asshole and obviously not as depressed and fucked up as me. It gave me no solace at all knowing that there were other people hurting for the same reasons as me: grief is a deep dark place. I’ve never felt so out of control of myself as I did when I was in the thick of grieving Mark’s death. Now I am at the top of my game in life and so satisfied with almost every aspect of things. I know things will take a lull again in time, but I want to just ride this high and give life a shot as though I don’t have a mental illness. With the awareness I’m gaining and the medication doing the right work, it finally feels as though I really am actually healthy.