adjusting to medication

The first week I didn’t feel much of anything, but things stopped feeling less hopeless. I was… overly optimistic about everything or almost uncaring, but in a positive way. Tather than “what’s the point” it became “what’s the point of worrying? Things will work out however they work out.”

I felt… light. Like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I remember walking around and feeling almost as if I was floating.

Eventually taking medication just became part of my daily routine, almost as unconscious as brushing my teeth.  My depression wasn’t as strong, and when it hit me, it didn’t last as long as it usually did. Eventually I started to feel normal, well aware that bad things happen and it’s okay to feel sad, disappointed, angry or just rotten about them – that’s just normal human emotion. But at the same time, I could finally just accept things and started to view my problems as surmountable. My failures did not mean I was a failure myself – just that I had unfortunate circumstances or had made a mistake. It wasn’t the end of the world, and I didn’t beat myself up for it.



depression is like an ongoing storm

Sometimes your only option is to ride it out by treading water (using whatever thought exercises you’ve got). Sometimes, it’s not a heavy storm at all and you can enjoy it or have it affect you minimally. But sometimes, it’s too intense to ride out, and you need whatever you can get to survive it. My psychiatrist was the coast guard who came to my rescue when I was drowning at sea, but only if I knew in advance I might need it. Medication on the other hand was like a life-preserver, something I had to keep me afloat even when I was too tired to keep treading water.


Being Psychotic

This may be triggering for its mention of psychosis, bullying, and mental illness.

I have suffered from psychosis since I was eight years old and am currently on a high dose of anti-psychotics (aripiprazole 20mg to be precise).

I used to be really outgoing, but after I was bullied and outcast as a teenager I isolated myself, which I think has led to a lot of emotional problems. I’m smart – I was moved up a year in school – and am currently on a very lonely gap year before I go to study at university.

I have not told anyone at work about my illness. It is too embarrassing. It makes me seem weak. I probably should let someone know that my medication is turning me into a zombie and it’s not just my personality though.

-Hermione (a pseudonym)

Conflict of Interest with Prescribing Medication?

I just think there is dogma when it comes to the field. That there is a an unspoken belief among those professionals that meds work 100% of the time for all people and that it’s just a matter of finding the right one.

Makes sense: a psychiatrist is only good for prescribing meds. Outside of meds, unless they also qualify as a therapist, they are pretty much useless. They would be out of a job therefore they have to vouch for their “product”. Conflict of interest IMO but that’s none of my business apparently….