This post may be triggering for its mention and description of cancer, death, depression, and grief! Names have been changed for the purpose of anonymity.
Mark’s been dead for 3 years and 2 months. He just pops in and out of my head all the time, but I don’t often think of him actively. I can tell I’m still traumatized by the whole thing because if I’m having a bad day I will often go to blaming Mark for dying and fucking everything up.
Mark died and I found someone better suited for me. That makes me sad still. I wish we just broke up instead of him having to die for me to learn all this, you know? I’m so much happier with Michael, that was hard to swallow. I love him so much in such a healthy way, and he’s supportive and understanding and just fucking great. Neither of us are perfect, but we’re honest with ourselves and each other and we make a wonderful team.
I don’t feel guilt anymore, it’s the natural order of things to find someone else…man I was a 25 year old widow.