For a lot of my life I have squashed and suppressed all emotion – there was a lot anger and self hatred though, for various reasons. I learned very quickly in life to get control of myself, to force my emotions into non-existence. That was a survival mechanism. And it worked, until it didn’t.
There’s lots of self help books on “defining yourself” – whatever that means. I’m seeking less definition. On having less boundaries, and being okay with that, on having less soul-crushing emotional control, but also not having an emotional breakdown. It’s hard to find a balance, so for me, it’s baby-steps into unknown emotional territory.
I try very hard to avoid labels. Not to label myself, and not to label other people also. Labels come with expectations and excuses.