anger management in the military

This post may be triggering for its mention of assault, anger management issues, PTSD, and mental illness.

I spent 12 years in the military (having no emotions except anger is very helpful in the military), and one day I lost control and physically assaulted one of my subordinates.  He was wrong, and I was wrong, so it didn’t go any further, but I lost control, which I didn’t like – it scared me.  The next day I went to the mental health clinic on base.  This was back in 2006 and I went about once a week for a year.  

It was there that I first started this journey from being an angry robot into becoming a human being.   Jokes became funnier, food tasted better, Disney movies made me cry.   I thought everything was fine – until about a year ago when I realized was thinking about killing myself.

I’m pretty certain I had mild PTSD when I first got out in 2011 – but it didn’t affect me daily.  I used to wake up in the middle of night scrambling to grab a rifle that I hadn’t carried for years.  I still really don’t like loud noises. Hitting a pothole or hearing a car backfiring will leave me on edge all day.

-Terry

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