growing up with abuse

 

This post may be triggering for its description of addiction, abuse and mental illness.

When you grow up in a fucked up household you grow up thinking that’s normal. And it isn’t until you go off and start living your own life that you realize – wait a minute something’s wrong.Both of my parents were and are recovering addicts , although they’ve been clean and sober since before I was born.  They haven’t spoken to me in almost ten years and maybe that’s a blessing.

 

But I was physically emotionally and spiritually abused. I’m still trying to figure out if I was sexually abused. It took me a long time to apply the label of “abuse”. Because nobody wants to admit but they were abused and nobody wants to admit that their parents were abusive.

I grew up listening to the evils of drugs and alcohol several times a week when they took me along to AA meetings.   And I always thought I had avoided the addiction trap.  Only my addiction turns out to be sex.   I’m very good at hiding my inner turmoil.  On the outside I try very hard to appear like everything is fine.  Good job, good wife, good health, no debt, (even the house is almost paid off, I’m proud about that) amazing son (proud of him too!), my family spends a lot of time volunteering with the Arizona Border Collie Rescue. I’m also the vice president of a local church.  Except I feel like I’m rotting from the inside, and think about killing myself.  

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar or major depressive disorder, depending on who you ask.  My desire to be a good father and good husband stems from the fact I want my son to have better than I did.  I know I’m not perfect, but I try my damndest to do the best I can.

-Terry (Terry Crews the bodybuilder and actor recently came out publicly about pornography addiction and I felt that was pretty inspiring)

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