Trigger warnings for sexual assault, abuse, and mental illness!
I suppose I’m just wanting to get the word out that rock bottom doesn’t have to be permanent.
Age 11- stepfather dies. I was the last one to see him alive. I was raped. never told anyone. became anorexic until age 14. no one noticed.
Age 14 – stopped being anorexic. began secretly drinking. people noticed.
Got my first boyfriend at age 16, stopped drinking. Got engaged and bought a cute little town house with him at age 18. I was finally happy.
When I was 19 (he was 21) he began drinking and became abusive. that lasted until I was 21 (he was 23). he had me pinned down and was choking me and he told me that I didn’t get out of HIS house right then he would do worse to me. he meant it. I never saw him again. I left all my things there. I began drinking again. the bar became my second home. I started hooking up with random strangers every night for a year. then I met my next boyfriend.
I dated him for 4 months before I found out he was a drug addict. and instead of running the other direction, I choose to stay and smoke meth with him. I dated him for two years. he was abusive too, but this time I fought back. until he snapped my wrist, slashed my tires, and cut my break lines. I got fired from my job for always showing up late. and showing up with bruises and always crying while I was there. need up getting two DUI’S in 3 months time. so I lost my license, and he destroyed my car. I said no more drugs and I stopped cold turkey. he checked into a rehab. when he got kicked out of rehab for a 3rd time I finally left him for good. found out a couple months later that I was pregnant by him.
So now I’m almost 26 with a two year old daughter. no driver license, no car, no job. living back at home with my mom.
Some days are fine. Other days I have to literally force myself to get the hell out of bed and get a shower. I know depression is constant ups and downs with good days and bad days. Right now is honestly the longest set of “down” time I’ve ever had. And I don’t know what’s causing it or how to get out of it. My anxiety – I get frustrated and impatient like crazy easily, my therapists said that’s a form of anxiety.
-Lorelai, a pseudonym based off the character from Gilmore Girls. Lorelai has PTSD, depression, and anxiety.