This post may be triggering for its mention and description of depression and suicide!
It was scary. Back then, even if it was an escape, that never changed what the act was: fear of the unknown. Fear of the void/nothingness. Fear of the pain if your method isn’t painless. Just fear.
It was sad. I think for most people it will never not be sad. I used to be religious and I remember, right before I put the noose on my neck, that I still shed some tears, asked God to forgive me, and said my goodbye to her/him/it. It can’t be helped.