This may be triggering for its mention and descriptions of depression and suicide.
Diagnosis is just major depression. Had it since 13 meaning I’ve had it more than half my life at this point.
How it affected my life?
-It made me see through the BS of western “civilization” and people in general.
-It has turned me into an unrelenting pessimist with lots of misanthropic leanings.
-It may have prevented me from living a “full” life with a “life is great even if there is suffering and that is an objective fact” attitude
-It will be the reason I end my life. Due to the above, I don’t count that as a negative thing. Better that than to have to suffer through sickness, other people, and the decrepitude of old age. I die free from the reality of this existence and the reality is that, more often than not, suffering outweighs joy (and joy is like hope: an overrated, sick delusion). For the individual and as a whole. I die having been through a lot less suffering than I would have if I decided to live another 10-40 years and that keeps me content.
I’m not even a half-decent human being (because, among other reason, I know pessimism rubs people the wrong way therefore, if this was done in person, you probably would think I’m quite the bastard) but depression taught me humility towards others. To be patient with them.
Obviously I’m quite the judgmental asshole but who isn’t? Depression really honed in “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything”. As a whole, I’ll still say very horrible things but on a case by case basis, I don’t have much of a favorable or unfavorable opinion until there is more to base on.